Let me explain
Your name is missing from our voter records
Yesterday on X (formerly known as Twitter) I posted this. I apologize for the uproar I caused. As a very respected podcaster who probably doesn’t have HPV, I know I have a responsibility to represent the greater community of very respected podcasters who probably don’t have HPV. I should never have posted without explaining myself. I thank you for giving me the space to explain why if you know these 10 bands, you know me. - Klem Stump
10 Bands to Know Me
Gordon Lightfoot - The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald haunts me. I can never get away from it. It’s always playing in my head. I spend too much time thinking about what happened to the ship. Did it split up? Did it capsize? Did it break deep and take water? Did the old cook really say “Fellas it’s been good to know ya”? Does anyone know where the love of God goes? What kind of steaming dreams are these young men having, and why does that make Gordon think of Lake Michigan?
Billy Joel - Billy Joel is one of life’s biggest disappointments. Not because he drunk drives into houses all over Long Island, that’s probably one of his better career moves. It’s because he has an insane amount of talent and could have been one of the greatest song writers of the 20th century, but instead he writes Captain Jack. WTF!?!?! No one wants to listen to you sing the word masturbate.
Tapes Don’t Skip - TDS is the greatest band you’ve never heard of. It’s like change jingling in your pocket. Swiss cheese all full of holes. Balls against a prominent forehead. Brian Dennehy and Yo-Yo Ma sharing a can of RC Cola. Old Spice and stale cigarettes. The Real Tom Skerrit. The surprise xylophone on Cherry Bomb. A No Fat Chicks shirt with a mustard stain.
Marc Cohn - someone shot this guy in the head.
White Lion - A girl I went to high school with loved White Lion so much she gave herself the nickname Lioness. Last I heard she got her kid taken away. Rumor was she left the kid in a dresser drawer and went out partying. I wonder if she still likes White Lion.
Juice WRLD - My nephew LOVES Juice WRLD. I spent the day with him and that’s all he talked about. I have a blended Spotify playlist with him. Now I listen to a lot of Juice WRLD. I like it.
Syndicate - Only 5 people get this joke.
Fairport Convention - They really suck, and I like talking about things that suck. They sound kind of like they’re chanting and yodeling, but also like they’re prancing through a field. If you picture Time Bandits and The Safety Dance video, but with folk/elf rock… then you got the vibe. It’s pretty terrible. It sounds like what I imagine a renaissance fair smells like. They’re probably a little too into puppets.
Benny Mardones - She’s just 16 years old. They told him to leave her alone. But he couldn’t. He went creeping in her windows. He took her on a magic carpet ride around New York City. Benny Mardones may have done 9/11. Jet fuel doesn’t melt steel beams, but I bet magic carpet fibers do.
Alabama - Former Red Sox catcher David Ross answered the question “How do you unwind after a game” with “At an Alabama concert”
