I am a grown ass woman who can say this was truly one of the best things I have ever done.
So, I did a thing. I actually took a vacation. Like, I got in my car and drove from Cape Cod to Brooklyn. Where did I stay on my short 3-day adventure you ask? With Klem and Fupa, of course!
You should all know by now, Klem and I have known each other since we were kids. Like, little kids. We drifted apart, as people do, and she moved to NY. Through Facebook we reconnected, but we’ve only seen each other in person twice since we were teenagers, and I had never actually met Fupa, until this week.
The drive to Brooklyn sucked ass. Awful. Horrible. I like to drive, but once I am in unfamiliar territory, I stress right up, and New York drivers are horrid, wretched people. If you have a NY driver’s license throw it away and take the fucking subway. Seriously.
After a 5 1/2-hour drive I arrive, and hugs are given. Fupa made us coffee because he is the fucking best. Klem took me on a walking tour of Brooklyn. She showed me the gorgeous old Victorian houses and toured her neighborhood. We grabbed some pizzas, I got ice and ginger ale for my drinks, and we just chilled, talking and laughing. I went up on the roof and the view…man I could have stayed up there all night. We ended up in the backyard and I drank a whole bottle of Apple Pie Moonshine and chain smoked. It was the best night.
Now Day 2. Unfortunately, Fupa had scheduled his prostate exam (recreational), so it was just me and Klem to take on the city. After my first ride on a NYC subway, we walk to our first stop, and really, the most important: Jeffrey Epstein’s. We took an almost unhealthy number of pictures in front of his boarded-up house.
Jeffrey Epstein’s house. Wonder how many people have walked by and pissed on that place?
Next, because it was right across the street, we went into Central Park. I need to mention, because this will be important later on, I am wearing flip flops, and Klem is wearing sneakers with ZERO support. So, we start walking and looking around. There were horse drawn carriages and food carts; exactly what I expected to see. There were people trying really hard to get us to watch some pickleball event that was taking place, but then Klem notices a nature trail. Let’s go! Said nature trail is made out of a fake foam mulch that is spongy and little did we know all the twists and turns and stairs. Our footwear was not made to be worn on spongy stairs. We were struggling and I was wishing I was wearing hiking boots (I don’t own fucking hiking boots) but we found a nice bench across from a pond in the shade and just chilled for a little bit and had a chat that she was really enjoying because she was teasing me (No, I’m not telling you. It’s none of your business, you nosy bastards).
Time to head to our final destination. We exit the park and she’s looking around to see exactly where we are…we see the sign for 5th Avenue. Holy Shit. “I could shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue…” We need to go to Trump Tower and take a picture of me flipping it off. YESSSS So off we go headed to Madison Avenue. At this point I am bursting and cannot wait to give that fucking ugly ass building the one finger salute. We did a little photo shoot right there on the sidewalk.
Now, it’s getting a little late. We have walked…a lot…in improper footwear. I ask Klem, do you want to just go back to Brooklyn and skip the last stop? She shrugs, nah, it’s a quick train ride. Alrighty then…off we go to the 9/11 Memorial. And man, did we make the right decision.
To be continued…..