An Innocent Man (An Innocent Man, 1983)- This is aggressive. It’s like spitting in your hand to give a quick handjob behind bible school. You don’t love it, but it gets the job done.
The Stranger (The Stranger, 1977) - It’s slimy. Like cold Aloe Vera. Who really wants that? Then it warms up and it’s a decent lube. It gives a nice rub. This lube also gives you AIDS.
Goodnight Saigon (The Nylon Curtain, 1982) - This is some John Wayne lube. There are a lot of different lubricators happening in this song. It’s very oily.
The River of Dreams (River of Dreams, 1993) - This song just sounds like a tube of lube. Sterile and generic, and like the writing is blue. The river of lube is gushy.
Uptown Girl (An Innocent Man, 1983)- It’s fucking greasy. It’s a classy lube for the fancy ladies. Also looks like a waitress for some reason.
Allentown (The Nylon Curtain, 1982) - This is what they use to lube up for the circle jerk after winning the big hockey game.
Vienna (The Stranger, 1977) - This song is moist and damp and works in a pinch. It will keep the chaffing to a minimum.
Captain Jack (Piano Man, 1973) - This just IS lube. It’s not even a song. It’s lube in musical form.
Scenes from an Italian restaurant (The Stranger, 1977) - This will get you wet. Bottle of Red. Bottle of white. Bottle of breadsticks with Brenda and Eddie. You’re just ready to go. Let’s get to fucking.
New York State of Mind (Turnstiles, 1976) - This is snail trailing. It’s a cold stick of butter. Your seat will remember you.
Now that you are sufficiently greased up, join us on the StarMaker karaoke app and listen to Klem sing An Innocent Man. She LOVES to sing that song. Sara the Ruthless hosts the No Loads Refused Cum Dump where you can hear Sara, Klem, and Karl (the doll, not the real Karl) several nights a week. Sometimes Fupa joins, and if Heather has been liquored up enough, you just may get a really bad rendition of some 90’s song. You don’t have to sing to be in on the action, you can use the chat function and just listen, but if you serenade us with any Billy Joel song, we’ll lose our shit.